Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
