If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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