I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Your dad touched me again.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
