Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize