whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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