Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
