About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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