im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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