The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
