I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
