she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
