and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
