accomplished twins. life is a go
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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