Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
