This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize