I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
