she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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