Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
