im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
