Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
