We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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