Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
