The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
