its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
