The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
