There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize