She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
