He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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