She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
