Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Randomize
