soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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