I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
