I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
