I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
