Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
sarcasm needs its own font
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
