is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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