i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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