He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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