if only i could text you this smell
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
