Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
