That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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