is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize