guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
