Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
