i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
