Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize