I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
