Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We're too hungover to prance.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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