well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
