I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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