He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize