I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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