Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
