Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
