Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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