Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
