I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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