"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you had me at cake vodka
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize