Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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