I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
