This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
