Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
