I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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