before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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