imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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