I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
