you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
