We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
