If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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