Your face is a jimmy john
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why did my mother make you get naked?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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