i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
