if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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