doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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