direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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