Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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