M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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