just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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